Before you say anything, take a minute to ask yourself, “What do I need from this conversation? ” Knowing your goal can help you stay grounded if things get messy. Here are 11 tips that can be a guiding light during tough chats. Having a few go-to phrases (and ones you avoid) in your pocket can help you express your truth while communicating with care. Personally as well as professionally, we all occasionally face conversations that we know we must have but that we nonetheless dread. Winging a performance conversation leads to defensive arguments and vague takeaways.
However, these difficult conversations are essential for personal and professional growth. Difficult conversations are inevitable, but for conflict-averse people, they can be daunting. Conflict-averse means you tend to avoid disagreements and prefer not to confront issues directly. However, learning to navigate these discussions skillfully is crucial for building strong relationships, fostering a positive work environment, and achieving personal growth.
In fact, many leaders will do almost anything to avoid them. Hosted by Elevate’s founders and leadership experts, Lucy Georgiades and Lindsey Nehls, People Are The Worst tackles the real people problems that keep managers up at night. Advice and practical steps for employers and line managers on handling challenging or difficult one-to-one conversations with staff.
Rather than addressing the whole group with a more general “what does everyone think about that idea? ”, make a point of asking specific people for their ideas, then thank them for their insight before moving on. This makes everyone feel valued, confident, and supported.
Tips For Having Difficult Conversations Virtually
- Try to detect any antagonism, or any eagerness to defend yourself; be aware of feeling angry at the other person.
- Consider whether the block is temporary for processing or permanent for protection.
- 💙 Take a minute to calm your nerves and center your emotions with Chibs Okereke’s Breathe to Calm Down.
By developing the right mindset and tools, we can transform these tough conversations into opportunities for positive change. Difficult conversations are hard enough when they happen in person. When you have to have one virtually — with a remote worker or a boss in another city, for example — you can take a few steps to help the conversation go smoothly.
The rewards of deeper, more authentic connection are waiting on the other side. Unaddressed issues don’t simply disappear; they accumulate, forming layers of resentment, misunderstanding, and emotional distance. Think of the emotional weight you carry when something important is left unsaid. This can manifest as anxiety, frustration, or a growing chasm in your relationships.
Brainstorm together to find ways to resolve the issue at hand, and try to find common ground. Even if you can’t completely agree, finding a compromise or middle ground can be a step in the right direction. So many people feel stuck with how to begin a difficult conversation, which can lead the discussion to get off track before it even begins. Starting a difficult conversation is not easy, but there are specific words you can use to make the conversation less awkward and more constructive. These words can help you set the tone and prepare the other person for what’s to come. Maggie is an experienced consultant, solutions designer, researcher, and facilitator with expertise in leadership, executive coaching, assessment, authentic communication, and evaluation.
A powerful tool is the Talking Stick – which is an ancient Aboriginal tool – to support everyone to listen deeply to each other. The central idea is that everyone listens to whoever is holding the talking stick, and only when they have finished do they pass it on. It’s an incredibly powerful and empowering way to ensure everyone’s voice is valued and heard. If we continually try and sidestep conflict, then we are never asking the other person to share their side of things, and there is a danger the issue will grow.
If I look at someone and I break bad news, the emotion goes up higher. If I look at the same information but it’s visually represented, my emotion and the recipient’s emotions stay down. So that’s why you’ve got to have external representation of that difficult content.
Manage Change And Drive Value…
Learn from the experience and adjust future communication accordingly. Remember that those who judge based on out-of-context screenshots often aren’t worth your energy. He helps people discover WHO they are, WHAT they really want, and HOW to get there by combining proven principles, science, AI, and gamification. Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur, life coach, and habit science expert with a $300M+ exit under his belt. After hitting suicidal rock-bottom as a teen, he dedicated his life to cracking the code on lasting happiness and success — and built Moore Momentum to share what he found. Don’t let this be just another blog post you read and forget.
Conflict, when handled well, is a pathway to deeper intimacy and trust. It allows for the airing of grievances, the clarification of needs, and the co-creation of solutions. When we avoid these conversations, we’re not just avoiding discomfort; we’re often sacrificing genuine connection and the opportunity for our relationships to evolve and thrive. Ultimately, avoiding difficult conversations is a short-term gain for a long-term loss in relational health and personal well-being. Active listening, empathy, open-mindedness, communication skills, problem-solving skills, emotional intelligence, and confidence are essential to help you navigate difficult conversations effectively. By improving these skills, you will be ready to approach challenging talks with a positive attitude and the tools to achieve a successful outcome.
If you do decide to raise Instantalks quick guide a difficult issue, don’t lead in with your view or story. Approach it as if a third, neutral person is looking on and leading the conversation. Describe the problem as the difference between your stories. Include both viewpoints as a legitimate part of the discussion.
These tools act as emotional editors, catching potentially problematic communication before it causes damage. Remember, while AI assists in the preparation, genuine empathy, and active listening are crucial for successfully navigating these difficult moments. Use these templates to prepare thoroughly, but remain flexible and responsive during the actual conversations.
Yes, our belief that someone is toxic is simply our opinion—even when others agree with that opinion. Conflicts tend to escalate when we ground our communication in feelings and opinions. If your team doesn’t feel safe having a tough conversation with you, you’ll never hear the feedback you need to hear, and they’ll never accept the feedback you need to give. Virtual and in-person workshops for elevating individual or team leadership skills.
Take action now and turn these insights into lasting change. “Identify potential emotional and ego-related triggers in the conversation.” Create a Safe Space – Choose the right time and place to talk, ensuring privacy and minimal distractions. Sarah Epstein, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, seeing therapy clients in Maryland, DC, Texas, and Pennsylvania. Vincent van Vliet is co-founder and responsible for the content and release management. Together with the team Vincent sets the strategy and manages the content planning, go-to-market, customer experience and corporate development aspects of the company.
They often involve conflicting perceptions, interpretations of events, and strong feelings. These dialogues can range from addressing performance issues at work to discussing relationship problems with a partner or confronting a friend about their behavior. Here are two behaviors emotionally secure people reliably practice during difficult conversations, and why they work. In London and Silicon Valley, Lucy has spent over a decade coaching Founders, CEOs, executive teams and leaders of all levels.
Be clear about the fact that such issues are never exclusively the fault of one person or the other. Recognize that the conflict was caused by an interaction between the two of you, and thus is due at least in part to your own errors in judgment. Be open about the problem, but do so without blaming the other person for it. This phase requires presence, empathy, and skilled communication. Mentally rehearse how you’ll start, what key points you want to make, and how you might respond to common reactions (like defensiveness).
Sit up straight (invest in a decent chair for home working); keep your hand movements to a minimum; and focus on your breathing and your facial expressions. How we talk to ourselves in our inner voice gets reflected in our faces, so if your inner voice becomes faster and louder then slow it down and make it quieter. I spend a long-time training mediators and negotiators to appreciate the importance of the small things in how to set a room up and the same goes for the virtual word.